Baby T's Nursery: Inspiration & Vision Board

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Even before we got pregnant, I already had a strong vision for what our baby’s nursery would look like. I knew I didn’t want the stereotypical all-pink or all-blue room, dictated by the sex of the baby. I imagined something more neutral, something stylish and in keeping with our personal aesthetic. I’d like a place that feels relaxing and calming — like a retreat, even in the midst of the newborn craziness that will undoubtedly ensue. And yet, I do still want it to feel like a child’s room, one where she will learn and play and, hopefully, grow into.

I’ve always been drawn to soft pastels and I adore succulents and cacti. (As one look at our wedding album would reveal!) And since Greg and I both grew up in Southern California, and were married in San Diego, it is no surprise that my inspiration for Baby T’s nursery is the colors and imagery of the desert. I would describe the design style as mid-century modern with a dash of bohemian spirit. I love the clean lines of mid-mod furniture, and a bit of boho flair — through geometric patterns, natural fibers and fringe — adds texture and whimsy to the room.

White, grey, sage and light wood tones were always the base of the color palette. But now that we know Baby Thilgen is a girl, hues of blush, lavender and peach are welcome in the mix. 

The nursery is still a work in progress — in my mind, at least. In fact, nothing has been done physically to a room because we are hoping that we will get released from our current military housing, though we are running out of time. I don’t want to be putting a nursery together weeks before the baby is due! Fortunately, we are not totally behind; we have purchased many of the “big ticket” items. It’s the little details that are still being debated (by myself, I’m so indecisive!), and since I don’t have anything actually set up, creating a vision board has helped to visualize how the room will come together.

This is the vision board I assembled before we knew “he” or “she.” It is the foundation to which we will add more colorful elements.

Babyletto Lolly 3-in-1 Convertible Crib - purchased!
Babyletto Lolly Changer Dresser - purchased!
JellyCat Bashful Toffee Puppy (reminds me of my favorite childhood stuffed animal) - purchased!
Lorena Canals Basket Leaf Natural
Cactus Light - purchased!
Ikea Shelving Unit and Baskets
Hexagonal Mid Century Accent Table - purchased!
Nursery Works Sleepytime Rocker
Leather Pouf
Wilderness Map Toddler Quilt - purchased! (thankfully, because it is sold out now)
Natural Canvas Teepee
Tassel and Feather Mobile
Anza Knotted Trim Dye-Stripe Rug
Initial Banner
Cactus Art by Wilder California

The past several weeks have been spent searching online for the perfect rocker and rug and while the jury is still out on the rocker (I love the look, but it is a bit pricey and I worry that the chair back isn't high enough) I did finally pull the trigger on a rug. Partly because, as I told my husband the other night, I was so over the rug hunt. I looked at what feels like hundreds of rugs online. Finding one that met my style expectations as well as budget was starting to feel like an impossible task! And even after I had narrowed my choices down to a few favorites, I then started to fret about what the rugs were made of. 

Because I work for Anthropologie, I knew the best deal would be purchasing a rug from Anthro or Urban Outfitters during employee appreciation, which recently came around again. So it was now or never, as they say! In the end, my husband and I decided on a tilework-inspired wool and cotton rug that was in the running early on, except that we went with a colorway we had initially nixed. But after seeing it together with the other items on the vision board, the rug suddenly seemed to be a perfect fit, adding a much needed pop of color and interest. Plus, there's (braided!) fringe, a must-have for me.

Caravan Rug

We've purchased a few other items not on the vision board, as well: a metallic gold watercolor hamper tote, crocheted crib skirt, and a small faux-sheepskin rug. I've registered for things too, of course, but I'm still searching for crib sheets that seamlessly work with the overall theme. (Though, I know I'll need several sheets on hand since messes will most definitely happen, and I'm trying to tell myself that it is OK if everything isn't perfectly coordinated all the time!). In addition, I'm debating between a few lovely artisan-crafted decor pieces on Etsy (this dreamcatcher, this mobile, this custom embroidered hoop) and I am planning on making, with my hubby's help, a hand-lettered wooden sign to hang on the wall.

Planning for the nursery has been stressful at times (I'm an indecisive and particular perfectionist after all), and we still have our fingers and toes crossed that we will get released from housing before October (!!!), but I've mostly enjoyed the process of dreaming up a room that Baby T and I will spend a lot of time in once she is here.

Am I missing anything from my vision board? Any nursery items or decor that I just have to have? Share in the comments! 

Wild and Free Embroidered Hoop

P.S. It goes without saying, I'll post a nursery reveal after baby girl makes her arrival in November!


(Top image graphic: Macrame Fringe Banner)

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Baby Thilgen is a...

He or She? What will Baby Thilgen be?

Dear Baby,

You’re a girl! You already know that, of course. But we just found out yesterday. It was so exciting! We’re halfway to meeting you and we still didn’t know whether to call you he or she. And you surprised us. We played a little game with our family and friends and made them guess. Most people were thinking boy — even your daddy! I didn’t have a strong feeling either way, but I’ll admit I was getting used to the idea that you were a boy since that’s what everyone was telling me!

When we went to the doctor’s office for our ultrasound yesterday, I became anxious. I started tapping my fingers and toes, and generally getting antsy. They always make us wait forever, baby! But once it was our turn, the technician, Erin, was kind and fun and made the whole experience an enjoyable one. She kept your secret and didn’t tell us boy or girl. Instead, she filled out a card that I had made for your dad and I to open later, in private. We started this journey together and we decided it would be that much sweeter to hear the news, just the two of us.

Because we couldn’t wait any longer, we left the doctor’s office in Walnut Creek and drove to a beautiful park nearby. It was a hot summer day. We sat on a bench beside a lake, shaded by trees. Daddy wanted to rip the card open but I made him wait a few minutes and took a couple photos. Then I prayed for us, and for you. Finally we were ready. Dad held the card in his hands and, while looking into each other’s eyes, we counted 1, 2, 3… We looked down at the now open card and your papa shouted with joy and amazement, probably loud enough for the other park-goers to hear: IT’S A GIRL! We laughed, I cried, we kissed. We were so, so happy, little one. We would have been either way.

Because the very best news we received yesterday was that you are looking healthy and strong. Your growth is right on track. You weigh 13 ounces! Your heart, brain, lungs and kidneys are looking perfect. We were even able to count your fingers and toes. Tens for both! You were quite the mover and shaker during the scan, and all your “boxing” and wiggling made it only slightly difficult for Erin to capture photos of your heart. But we loved it. You made us all chuckle with your feisty behavior. You seemed to know that we were trying to get a good look at you, that a camera was in your face. And, much like your mama, you weren’t so into the pictures. You held your hand up in front of your cute mug and we imagined you saying, “No paparazzi!” Daddy thinks you might have my nose, and I’m sorry if that’s the case. 

To celebrate the big reveal, we went shopping for you! (You’re welcome. Many shopping trips with mama are in your future.) We picked out a pretty, rose-colored dress with floral embroidery at a sweet children’s boutique in Lafayette. I think you will look absolutely adorable in it come next spring. (It will likely be cold, and maybe rainy, when you are born.)

We also shared the news with our nearest and dearest, including all the grandparents, and your Auntie Marielle, who has a little girl, too! I hope you and Ellie will one day be wonderful friends.

Baby, we are so grateful for you and can’t wait to meet you in November. We love you so much already! And thank you for all the bedtime kicks this week — daddy felt one of your jabs last night. Feeling you makes mama’s heart so glad.

With lots of love and belly rubs,

Mommy & Daddy

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Pregnancy Update: Second Trimester, Weeks 14-20

This past Friday, June 30, marked the beginning of my 20th week of pregnancy — I’ve reached the halfway point! It is hard to believe that I’m halfway to meeting my little love. These past seven weeks seem to have flown by and gone so slowly all at once. Looking back, time always seems to have gone by faster than it felt in the moment. Because waiting for the next ultrasound, waiting to feel the baby kick, waiting to see my belly grow into something that looks more discernibly like a baby bump… All of that waiting made time feel like it was ticking by at a snail’s pace. And then, before we knew it, we were in week 20 and our anatomy scan is just days away. Read on for the full lowdown on how the second trimester is shaping up so far.

One day shy of 18 weeks.

Baby’s size: Depending on which app you look at, Baby Thilgen is the size of a mango or a small cantaloupe. Weighing in at about 10.5 ounces, the little one is about 6.5 inches from head to bottom, or 10 inches from head to heel — about the length of a small banana!

Weight gained: My scale is driving me a bit batty this week. A few days ago I hit 163, which would mean I had gained about 9 pounds thus far, putting me right on track since my OB said I should ideally gain 10 pounds by week 20. And yet, the past two days I seem to be losing weight, at 162 and, today, 161. I’m going to try not to worry because, 1) my scale is probably not the most accurate (but it is the same one I’ve been using since the beginning!) and 2) weight does fluctuate. But it is something I’m going to bring up at my next appointment. I want to make sure I am gaining enough to support baby’s development.

On a related note, I've been having bump envy/anxiety most of my pregnancy, but especially since about week 16. My bump is simply not as big as other expectant mamas-to-be and while I know every body reacts to pregnancy differently, I can't help but be envious of other's big round bellies and feel slightly anxious that my smaller bump is a sign that something is wrong. At my last OB appointment, the doctor told me not to worry, that I shouldn't really be showing until about week 20 anyway. I try to remember that when I feel worried, and I have grown in the weeks since that visit with my doctor. And yet, in the morning when I first wake up and my belly looks not so pronounced, I can't help but feel almost sad. At the end of the day, my bump always looks larger, but if you didn't know me you likely wouldn't guess that I'm with child, especially since I tend to wear flowing, A-line dresses. This is the one time in my life where I weigh myself every day and wish that the number would climb higher. The only time I've ever looked in the mirror and wished my stomach was bigger!

20 weeks, day two.

Gender prediction: I don’t have a strong feeling either way. And if I do get a strong sense, it will flip-flop. One day I think boy, the next I think girl. Greg still thinks boy, but he also occasionally says “she” when talking about the baby. Most of my friends and coworkers think boy. I just keep telling everyone that there is a 50 percent chance they are correct! :)

Symptoms & Sleep Status: I’m feeling pretty good! I haven’t had any morning sickness in the second trimester. I do have more energy in general, but I still find myself tired on my days off, which I’m chalking up to the kind of work I am in (retail). The need to pee every half hour hasn’t let up, and I don’t expect it to, but I (thankfully!) tend to only get up once in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. The anxiety dreams continue, but like all the other things listed here that is totally normal to experience during pregnancy. Only one perplexing symptom: My skin has been acting up. It is very dry, easily irritated and I’ve been getting unusual, almost rash-like red bumps across my forehead and around the perimeter of my cheeks. Not sure what it is but luckily the bumps are relatively flat and somewhat eased when moisturized.

Movement: I’ve been a bit bummed the past few weeks that I haven’t felt much movement. I know that it is not typical for first time moms to feel anything before week 18, and sometimes not until week 22, on average, and so I was being patient with myself. Every pregnancy is different and some women don’t feel anything until closer to week 25, but I’ve been eager to feel something inside just to have the reassurance that baby is, quite literally, alive and kicking! Of course there have been instances where I feel a twinge and think, maybe that’s baby. But it’s such a vague and fleeting feeling, that I can’t be certain. I haven’t felt the flutters or other sensations (like a fishy swimming) that other women who are about as far along as I describe. That is, until last night. 

Last night, as I was laying in bed, I put my hand on my belly. I was having a lot of gas (sorry if that’s TMI!) but I know that women often feel their babies most when they’ve settled down for the night. So I was scrolling on my cell phone, as I tend to do before bedtime (guilty), feeling the tiniest of movements under my fingers but unsure if I was feeling gas or baby. (Sometimes I even feel my tummy kind of puff up but, again, I’m never sure if that’s baby repositioning or excess air.) I’m reading something on my phone when I start to sense what feels like a gas bubble moving up my abdomen when BAM! Something kicks my palm! It was so sudden and distinct that it scared me. I literally jumped and gasped. I put my phone down to try to focus and I felt more little flicks. I was debating whether to wake my husband up and I finally did but of course once I shifted over to get closer to him the movements subsided. Greg believes he felt a tiny kick. I kind of wanted someone else to feel what I was feeling so I would know it was real! Nevertheless, I feel fairly certain that last night’s bubbles, pops and taps were Baby T saying hello.

My typical, albeit more patriotic than usual, breakfast.

Food love: Still carbs. But I’m starting to get back into veggies and definitely eating more fruits than I usually do. My typical breakfast as of late: blueberries and vanilla yogurt, with a sprinkle of cinnamon. Lest you think I’m super healthy, I do get the odd craving now and again, and my sweet husband usually obliges. Just the other night I had a hankering for cake. Not any kind of cake, mind you, but bundt cake. Vanilla bundt cake with chocolate frosting. And vanilla ice cream. Greg went to the store and got the closest thing he could find, a “pudding cake” ring with chocolate chips and Ghirardelli drizzle. He’s pretty great, that guy.

Food hate: My aversions have subsided. I’m still picky when it comes to dinner, but salmon has been introduced back into rotation. (I told my husband that I just need the fish to have some kind of sauce, so he’s started making our old favorite, teriyaki salmon, again.) 

A sweet message from my husband.

Currently living in: Dresses at work and leggings (or a swingy nightgown) at home. But my leggings are starting to feel a bit tight so I just ordered a pair of maternity leggings! My first piece of maternity wear. My skinny jeans — the only kind I wear — are totally out of the question now. I can squeeze into them but it is unbearably uncomfortable so I’m stuck when it comes to dressing casually. I may have to give in and order some maternity pants soon, too.

Baby/pregnancy-related purchases: We ordered the crib and dresser! (It’ll be several more weeks until it comes in though.) We have a side table already, too. There was a mini appreciation at work last month, so I took the opportunity to scoop up (at a discount) a quilt and baby book from Anthropologie. I also bought a cute stuffed animal (that reminds me of my favorite childhood toy) from Biscuit and recently ordered a cozy gender neutral outfit from Target, since it was being discontinued. In addition, I got a couple more pregnancy/baby books — I just need to start reading them!

This is how Jasper feels about reading pregnancy books!

What I miss: Nothing, really. Once it gets really hot I think I’ll crave a glass of rose but honestly it hasn’t been difficult giving up my wine-loving ways. It’s not forever, anyway!

What I’m loving: Feeling the baby kick last night.

At 19 weeks, day three, during a recent trip into the city to visit Giggle for some registry recon.
Jeans were a no-go, so I oped to put on a fitted dress and embrace my tiny baby bump!

Looking forward to: Finishing the registry. Ha! It seems like a never-ending task and all the research and product comparing has just upped my stress levels. But the main things I’m looking forward to are seeing the baby at our next ultrasound appointment on Thursday, finding out the sex of the baby, feeling more kicks and seeing my bump expand. Grow, baby, grow!

Best moment of the week/month: I think the best moment of this trimester is just a few days away… so stay tuned! ;)

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What Difference A Year Can Make

Greg and I spent May 18, 2016, our second wedding anniversary, at a surgical center. I was having a laparoscopy to definitively diagnose (after months of other tests) the cause of my fertility struggles. There was no fancy dinner, no fun adventure ... not even a shot at baby-making! Nope. Greg had a groggy and sore wife on his hands. Fast-forward a year and we're celebrating three years of marriage yesterday out in the sunshine, hand in hand, with so much joy in our hearts — for the hard road has led us somewhere wonderful, and where we always dreamed to be. So much can change in a year. In three years. We've experienced the lowest of lows and the highest of highs, and I know there will be many more twists and turns in the future -- that's married life, after all! But I wouldn't want to be on this journey with anyone else but my partner, my protector, my supporter, the love of my life and father of our baby-to-be.

P.S. Lovely wedding photos by heidi-o-photo

P.P.S. Today I am officially in my second trimester! I was hearing different things from various sources. When I hit 12 weeks my best friend, who has a baby, congratulated me on entering the second trimester. And I said, "well, thank you but I think I have to complete 12 weeks," because a few apps told me the start of 13 weeks was the beginning of the second trimester. And yet, I then found other apps/sources said 14 weeks. So confusing! But today marks 14 weeks so I am definitely, for sure, out of the first and into my second trimester.

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Pregnancy Update: Looking Back on the First Trimester

Tomorrow marks the beginning of my 13th week of pregnancy — I’ll officially be in the second trimester! Huzzah! It’s an important milestone, one that I am so grateful to reach. I am feeling especially glad since (after four long weeks that seemed like eternity to me) Greg and I were able to see our baby again yesterday, during our OB checkup and Nuchal Translucency scan. Since I haven’t been posting consistent weekly or monthly recaps, I thought it was high time for a “pregnancy update,” reflecting on the first trimester.

Me at 11 weeks + 4 days, on a day where I felt like I looked a tiny bit pregnant and, 
probably mostly because of the dress, my coworkers thought so too!

Baby’s size: At 12 weeks, Baby Thilgen is currently a little over 2 inches, the size of a plum! We’ve been many fruits over the past several weeks. Tomorrow we’ll upgrade to a peach :)

Due date: I haven’t been told anything different since my first ultrasound. EDD is still Nov. 17!

Weight gained: Only about 3-4 pounds so far.

Gender prediction: When I think about (or pray for) the baby, I tend to default to female pronouns like “she”… And Greg seems to default to “he” ! I don’t think either of us do this intentionally and we truly would be happy whatever the outcome! We just hope and pray for a healthy baby.

Symptoms wise, I’m feeling: Mostly normal. Like clockwork, from weeks 6-10 I had mild morning sickness (nausea when I was hungry, nausea after eating, nausea if I thought about what I wanted to eat for too long). But the nausea usually would pass fairly quickly. The other main symptom was exhaustion. On my days off, all I wanted to do was sleep. I’d sleep in late, take a nap in the afternoon and then pass out early on the couch at night! The tiredness has let up somewhat but certain days I still find myself yawing uncontrollably and longing to climb into bed.

Sleep status: Even though I’ve been extra tired, my sleep at night has been a bit restless. That other common pregnancy symptom — frequent urination — stirs me out of bed one, two, sometimes three times! Also, the past week or so I’ve been having bad dreams. Normally I don’t remember my dreams, but I think I haven’t been sleeping as deeply so in the morning I wake up to, not nightmares per say but, anxious dreaming.

Food love: All the carbs. Pasta, pizza, hamburgers… I always have a soft spot for carbs but I’ve definitely been craving comfort food more than usual and totally neglecting the veggies I typically like filling my plate. Luckily I still have salad for lunch most work days.

Food hate: Strangely, the thought of sweet potatoes and salmon have a tendency to make my stomach turn — and they are typically some of my favorite foods!

Currently living in: When I’m not at work — which basically requires me to wear a dress and heels — I am hanging out in my favorite pair of leggings and a comfy sweatshirt. This isn’t anything out of the ordinary though! But I will say, even though I’m not really showing yet, my high-waisted skinny jeans are not my friend right now.

Baby/pregnancy-related purchases: Not much just yet. Early on I didn’t want to buy anything for fear of jinxing the pregnancy. But Greg did come home with a sweet sign from Target one day (above). And we received a few cute onesies from his mom.

What I miss: Eggs Benedict! Really, I don’t miss much except maybe runny yolks. I’d say I miss that more than wine. (But we’ll see how I feel come summertime and everyone is drinking rosé.) However, my doc apparently isn’t concerned about a fried egg if the egg is pasteurized so maybe my go-to breakfast is in the near future. I just don’t want to do anything to jeopardize the baby. A lot of people have told me to relax or, in social gatherings they’ll say, aren’t you allowed to have one little glass of wine? Maybe other pregnant ladies wouldn’t worry about it but after all we’ve done (and paid) to get to this point… I can pass up a glass of wine or an egg over easy.

What I’m loving: Watching my husband light up when we see the baby on ultrasound. His optimism throughout this pregnancy is such an encouragement to me when I’m feeling anxious.

Looking forward to: Starting to show. There have only been a few times I thought my belly looked "with child." My baby bump is here one day, gone the next! With my symptoms not as strong as they were a few weeks ago, and my tummy looking more or less the same, sometimes it is hard to believe that I’m pregnant. That’s why I was counting down the days until our most recent sonogram. I was so eager to see the baby and know he/she was still there, growing and doing OK. I think once I start to show more and can actually feel the baby, I will feel that much more secure in my pregnancy. 

Best moment of the week/month: Seeing Baby T! Yesterday’s ultrasound was the best moment of this week and the past four weeks. The baby looks like a baby now (instead of a blob) and we even got a little wave. We could see the heart and hear the heartbeat again. (About 160 bpm.) We could make out the brain and the spine. It was amazing to see! I cry at every ultrasound appointment, and then start laughing at myself for crying. (Though I’ve been trying to stay still so as not to annoy the technician, and get a clear photo!) Every time I see our baby I feel such joy and relief. My hope is that feeling will stay with me in the weeks ahead and stamp out the worries and fears that can sometimes consume my mind. Every nurse and doctor thus far has said our pregnancy is looking great and I need to start believing them.

Baby T at 12 weeks + 6 days.

Listen Up! I am 1 in 8

National Infertility Awareness Week is in full swing! And I can’t let the occasion go by without stopping for a moment to pause and reflect. Greg and I have been open about our difficulties to conceive and it has been such a blessing to share our story — our ups and downs — with all of you. It is not always easy to be vulnerable about such a sensitive subject. But by choosing to open up about our infertility and IVF journey, we have received so much love and support from friends, family, and even a wider community that, while we may not know them personally, they know our struggle, because they have been there, or still are there, too.

I truly believe that no one should suffer with infertility in silence. There is no need for embarrassment or shame. It shouldn’t be taboo. Infertility is a disease, one that affects 1 in 8 couples, and as sad and as lonely as it can feel, infertile couples should know: They are not alone. When I decided to open up our story to a larger audience by starting this blog, and posting on Facebook and Instagram, I was overwhelmed by the comments and messages that came in from people I know who, it seemed, were so happy and relieved to say, “Yes! Me too!” You never know how sharing your story might impact or inspire someone else. Even for those who have not had to endure the heartbreak of infertility, sharing your experience might help them become a more compassionate and understanding friend. 

As with any disease, increased awareness is a good thing and I love that the #NIAW theme this year is #ListenUp! Women (and men) need to listen to their bodies and know how infertility can affect them and when it is time to see a fertility specialist. The infertile should feel empowered to share their stories and their friends and family should listen (not advise, or diminish their emotions) with open hearts and minds. (This Infertility Etiquette tip sheet is excellent!) 

There are many ways to resolve infertility; there are many ways to make a family. But they all begin with love. While I’d never choose infertility, I’ve learned and grown immensely along the journey. I am so thankful that assisted reproductive technology like IVF exists. I am indebted to the nurses and doctors who guided us and helped us reach our dream. And my heart overflows with gratitude for the physical and online community that poured strength and encouragement into my husband and I before, during and after our IVF cycle — all because I decided to share and they chose to #ListenUp.

Learn more at infertilityawareness.org.

16 Years, Still Missing You

Last week, while driving home from work, I was singing along to a song on the radio when my mind began to wander. The lyrics streaming out of the car speakers and the thoughts running through my mind were incompatible. Irrelevant. It didn't make any sense. And yet, I suddenly began to cry. (I've always been a crier, but pregnancy hormones have seemingly kicked in and my emotions can swing like a pendulum.) What brought on the tears? I was thinking of the anniversary coming up, the one that is today. The anniversary of my brother's death. Usually, I spend most of April hyper-aware of the date. Like a ticking clock, a countdown until the 26th. I didn't do it on purpose, but I could never escape the feeling. This year, however, with everything going on and so much on my mind, I haven't been counting the days as usual. I didn't forget, of course. But, as grief has a tendency to do, the reminder — the memories, the sadness — hit at the most unexpected of times.

Jeremy died in a car accident when I was 16. And 2017 marks 16 years since his death. He has been gone as long as I knew him. That's a hard pill to swallow: Knowing that as my life continues to go on I will get farther and farther away from him. That's what it feels like, anyway. And while time has softened the pain of losing my brother, milestone moments bring back its sharp sting. He wasn't there for my high school graduation, my college graduation, my wedding. He never met my husband. And he will never meet my baby. That's what brought on the tears on that car ride home, and that thought is what is causing my eyes to flood now. I wish Jeremy could be here with us to celebrate, to be the (fun!) uncle he should have gotten the chance to be. I know he would be so happy for us. And I know he would want me to keep on living my life and not wallow in sadness. But I give myself the permission, and grace, to do a little bit of that today. Because I miss him. No matter how many years pass, that fact never changes.