NIAW 2018: Flip the Script

National Infertility Awareness Week is technically over (I’m a day late!) but it got me thinking about my fellow infertility warriors — those still in the fight and those who are still healing from their battle wounds — and what NIAW means to me now. This kind of goes without saying but, infertility is a hard road to walk. You can feel helpless and hopeless, and too often alone. And even after you get your miracle, that pain of what you went through doesn't disappear. As in the wake of a bad relationship, you will sometimes carry (and open up) that baggage into your "happily ever after." Infertility changes you, but I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing.

Infertility cultivated within me patience and perseverance, and it forced me to find the positive — it was the only way to continue on. It reconnected me to my faith and required me to invest not only in treatment, but in hope. It strengthened the bonds of my marriage, deepening my husband and I's trust in one another. Infertility reaffirmed my heart's lifelong desire to be a mother and made the welcoming of my daughter that much sweeter. 

Infertility took from me the ability to get pregnant "the natural way," it took away the mystery and spontaneity of it all and it did, unfortunately, take a bit of the joy at times BUT infertility didn't steal one ounce of love out of the equation. Yes, we needed the help of science. Glorious, God-given science. Assisted reproductive technology is an amazing thing! But like any TTC couple, at the end of the day our effort to conceive was all about love. Love for each other and love for the life we so desperately wanted to create together. 

My infertility is a part of me and our story isn't over — we hope to have more children — but there is a sense that I'm "on the other side." As a new mama to an IVF baby, I've gained new perspective on those past hurts. Today, I look at my infertility journey as I do my c-section scar: Though unexpected and unwanted, through it came something beautiful.

Me & my miracle, March 2018.

Listen Up! I am 1 in 8

National Infertility Awareness Week is in full swing! And I can’t let the occasion go by without stopping for a moment to pause and reflect. Greg and I have been open about our difficulties to conceive and it has been such a blessing to share our story — our ups and downs — with all of you. It is not always easy to be vulnerable about such a sensitive subject. But by choosing to open up about our infertility and IVF journey, we have received so much love and support from friends, family, and even a wider community that, while we may not know them personally, they know our struggle, because they have been there, or still are there, too.

I truly believe that no one should suffer with infertility in silence. There is no need for embarrassment or shame. It shouldn’t be taboo. Infertility is a disease, one that affects 1 in 8 couples, and as sad and as lonely as it can feel, infertile couples should know: They are not alone. When I decided to open up our story to a larger audience by starting this blog, and posting on Facebook and Instagram, I was overwhelmed by the comments and messages that came in from people I know who, it seemed, were so happy and relieved to say, “Yes! Me too!” You never know how sharing your story might impact or inspire someone else. Even for those who have not had to endure the heartbreak of infertility, sharing your experience might help them become a more compassionate and understanding friend. 

As with any disease, increased awareness is a good thing and I love that the #NIAW theme this year is #ListenUp! Women (and men) need to listen to their bodies and know how infertility can affect them and when it is time to see a fertility specialist. The infertile should feel empowered to share their stories and their friends and family should listen (not advise, or diminish their emotions) with open hearts and minds. (This Infertility Etiquette tip sheet is excellent!) 

There are many ways to resolve infertility; there are many ways to make a family. But they all begin with love. While I’d never choose infertility, I’ve learned and grown immensely along the journey. I am so thankful that assisted reproductive technology like IVF exists. I am indebted to the nurses and doctors who guided us and helped us reach our dream. And my heart overflows with gratitude for the physical and online community that poured strength and encouragement into my husband and I before, during and after our IVF cycle — all because I decided to share and they chose to #ListenUp.

Learn more at infertilityawareness.org.