National Infertility Awareness Week is technically over (I’m a day late!) but it got me thinking about my fellow infertility warriors — those still in the fight and those who are still healing from their battle wounds — and what NIAW means to me now. This kind of goes without saying but, infertility is a hard road to walk. You can feel helpless and hopeless, and too often alone. And even after you get your miracle, that pain of what you went through doesn't disappear. As in the wake of a bad relationship, you will sometimes carry (and open up) that baggage into your "happily ever after." Infertility changes you, but I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing.
Infertility cultivated within me patience and perseverance, and it forced me to find the positive — it was the only way to continue on. It reconnected me to my faith and required me to invest not only in treatment, but in hope. It strengthened the bonds of my marriage, deepening my husband and I's trust in one another. Infertility reaffirmed my heart's lifelong desire to be a mother and made the welcoming of my daughter that much sweeter.
Infertility took from me the ability to get pregnant "the natural way," it took away the mystery and spontaneity of it all and it did, unfortunately, take a bit of the joy at times BUT infertility didn't steal one ounce of love out of the equation. Yes, we needed the help of science. Glorious, God-given science. Assisted reproductive technology is an amazing thing! But like any TTC couple, at the end of the day our effort to conceive was all about love. Love for each other and love for the life we so desperately wanted to create together.
My infertility is a part of me and our story isn't over — we hope to have more children — but there is a sense that I'm "on the other side." As a new mama to an IVF baby, I've gained new perspective on those past hurts. Today, I look at my infertility journey as I do my c-section scar: Though unexpected and unwanted, through it came something beautiful.
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| Me & my miracle, March 2018. |
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