Greg diligently mixing my medications the first night of IVF.
We started our first round of IVF this week. After having to postpone our cycle in January, the weeks of waiting felt like forever. And yet, of course, when Aunt Flo finally returned, I suddenly felt unprepared. Suffice to say, things have not gone quite as expected.
Per usual, following a couple days of spotting, my full flow arrived right on time, in the afternoon on Saturday, Feb. 11. That is the date my period tracker gave me and that is the date I gave my nurses to build my IVF calendar around. Based on that date, my calendar said I would need to come in Monday, the 13th, for my baseline sonogram.
I had to work on Saturday, so I didn't get a chance to call and report CD1 until my lunch hour around 3 o'clock. Unfortunately, my clinic was closed and I had to leave a message with an answering service. They said someone would call me back the next day with instructions. Since I also was scheduled to work Sunday, I decided to be proactive and call back before my shift that morning. And it's a good thing I did because after putting me on a brief hold, the nurse informed me that I needed to come in ASAP.
I was still in the bathroom, finishing my makeup, about 10 minutes from leaving my house to drive to work. And they wanted me to come in now? What happened to coming in Monday? I was instantly frazzled, tears were shed. I called work and quickly got dressed while waiting to talk to my manager. I apologized profusely as I told her I would be an hour or two late. She completely understood, of course, and told me to stop stressing, but I was upset. This was the exact thing I wanted to avoid. I work retail, I work shifts, I have bridal appointments to attend to. It's not as easy for me to come in late, take a long lunch, or call out sick. I didn't want IVF to affect my work.
So much for that.
The good news is, the baseline appointment went well. I didn't even need to have blood work done because my lining and ovaries looked good. I arrived to work just an hour late and all was well. I later received an email that I could start my FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) injections the next evening.
While I felt nervous about the injections, the busyness of work fortunately kept me from dwelling too much on what awaited me at home. And then, toward the end of my shift, I felt it — DUN DUN DUN — a cold coming on.
Seriously? Yes, seriously. I came down with a cold hours before my inaugural injection. At first it was just a sore throat. I tried to kick it with lots of fluids and Vitamin C. But I woke up Tuesday feeling dead on my feet; foggy-headed, low energy and completely exhausted. I couldn't tell if it was from the cold, the injections, or both.
I worked Tuesday, pushing through the fatigue and trying to stay as upbeat as possible for my brides. Luckily I was already scheduled to be off Wednesday and I did my best to rest up and get well. I emailed my nurse case manager to tell her about my cold, hoping for reassurance that it wouldn't negatively affect my cycle. But she did seem concerned. She said as long as it stays mild (no fever) and I get over it quickly, then it shouldn't be an issue. She just doesn't want me to be sick too close to the egg retrieval. This terrifying thought then popped into my head: Oh crap, don't get your husband sick!
Because he's a player in this game, too. We need his swimmers strong and healthy.
So the poor guy got booted out of our bed last night, just to be safe. And on the advice of my coworker and mother, I did the thing I never do and hate to do: I called out sick from work today. There comes a time when you just need to put yourself and your health first, and what better time than when you are paying boatloads of money to try to get pregnant?
I'm feeling a bit better today. I'm going to keep resting and guzzling fluids, per my nurse's orders. I'm off Friday too and my goal is to be all better by then. Especially since I have my first monitoring appointment in the morning! I'm hoping that this cold will have had no negative effect and we'll see some growing follicles on the ultrasound monitor.
All in all, this week has been a bit surreal. I might not believe we were actually doing IVF if not for all the dots on my belly from the needle pricks. My best friend asked if I felt any different and I haven't noticed anything out of the ordinary. No mood swings yet. Only a little bloated. Tired, yes, but that could just be the cold.
Loved ones have lots of questions about the process — how long do you do the injections? when is the retrieval? when is the transfer? how many are you going to transfer? — which I totally understand. It is a confusing and complicated thing, IVF. But right now I'm just trying to stay calm and take it one day at a time. And I'm getting a strong sense that God is trying to use this cold to break me down. He's telling me to take it easy, to care for myself, but also to realize that I'm not in control and I can't do this alone. Sure, I have my friends, my family, my husband and my doctor. But I need Him.
I cried in my pillow last night as I prayed to God. I asked him to heal me of this cold, to not let it thwart our efforts. I told him that I know He cares for me and knows our desires to grow our family, and I asked him to help me trust Him and His plan for us. It is so hard for me to trust sometimes. I prayed that his hand would be in this IVF process, that his hand would guide my husband's as Greg gives my injections, and our nurse's and doctor's as they perform the retrieval and hopefully a transfer. I asked that Greg would be protected from this cold and I prayed for peace in my mind and heart. We don't know how long our journey to baby will be, we don't know where the path will lead, but God knows and I just need to have faith and patience along the way.
My first injections: Gonal-F and Menopur.
Stay tuned: I'll be back tomorrow with an update after our first monitoring appointment!
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