Article: "A Mother Reflects on Connecting Early"

The Down Syndrome Connection of the Bay Area (DSCBA) reached out to me in June to see if I'd be interested in writing an article for the organization's bi-yearly newsletter. Of course I said absolutely! The group had never published an expectant parent's view of the Early Connections support group and the overall work of the DSCBA. I'm honored that they wanted to share our family's story and our view. The article ran on the front page of the summer newsletter, about a month after Everett was born. If you'd like, you can read it here.

What's In a Name?

Everett: brave as a wild boar | Jeremy: appointed by God

I've loved dreaming up baby names for as long as I can remember. 

Seriously, as a little girl, I had a running list of names hidden away in a cabinet. Every time I thought of or heard a new potential moniker for my far-into-the-future children, I'd pull out the crinkled paper and scribble it under a column, boy or girl.

So not surprisingly, always at my prompting, Greg and I had discussed baby names basically since we started dating. And since our journey to baby took a bit of extra time (and thought! and planning!) thanks to infertility, we had several top contenders narrowed down before I even became pregnant.

And yet our favorites from before we were expecting, to when I was pregnant with Delilah, to when I was pregnant with Everett, were always in flux. Mostly because I was always throwing new options into the mix.

One name that I heard (can't remember when or where!) and loved several years ago was Everett. But when I presented the idea to Greg he was firmly and unbudgingly in the VETO category. He didn't like it but he didn't really have a reason why. Men never really have a good reason when they exercise their baby name veto, do they? Haha. But I think if memory serves me correctly he actually thought I made the name up. He had never heard it before.

But I continued to love the name and over the years, whenever we would talk baby names, I'd bring it up again. I just kept name dropping Everett every chance I got! 

My diligence apparently paid off because slowly but surely I softened Greg's initial impression of the name... And then one day, while pregnant with our son, Greg came to me and said he had a confession to make:

He liked the name Everett!

Needing to create yet another new work password, Greg used the name in conjunction with our daughter's and decided that they do sound good together after all.

By the time our son was born, Everett had been in the No. 1 position for a couple months at least, but we prefer to wait to bestow a name until after our kiddo makes their debut, so we can literally put a name to a face. (We did still have a few strong contenders in the running, including Sawyer and Asher.) But due to the sudden and emergent nature of both Delilah and Everett's arrivals, they didn't have names right away, much to the dismay of nurses and birth-certificate-collecting hospital volunteers. Everett did get a name sooner than Delilah though; he was only nameless for about a day. Once Greg and I had some calm, quality alone time together with our son we were able to confidently agree on what we would call him: Everett Jeremy Thilgen.

So that's the story of Everett, but what about Jeremy?

I have long known that if I ever had a son, his middle name would be Jeremy. I don't recall exactly when I decided this. I'm not sure there was a crystal clear moment of decision, but more of an organic sort of knowing in my heart after the passing of my brother when I was 16 years old, that I would use my potential future son's middle name as a way to honor his memory. Fortunately, my husband was completely and unquestionably on board with this idea. He immediately agreed to it and never once suggested anything to the contrary, which I think is incredibly supportive and generous and worth noting given the fact that Greg never knew my brother. But I do believe that if Greg had known Jeremy, he would feel proud to have his son carry forward his name.

Kind hearted. Fun loving. Adventure seeking (brave!). Silly sense of humor. Musically gifted. Genuinely intelligent (deeper than book smarts). Loyal friend and steadfast companion. Well loved and loved well.

This is how I would describe my brother. And these are characteristics I'd wish for Everett to embody and embrace.

Yesterday was Jeremy's birthday. He would have been 45 years old. I like to imagine he sneaks away from what assuredly is a great party in heaven to peek in on us from time to time. That he has seen his new baby nephew. And that he is proud to have Everett be his (middle) namesake.

I know I am.

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Photos featured are sneak peeks from Everett's "newborn" photo shoot this past Thursday, when he was just two days shy of 7-weeks-old. Captured by our family's beloved photographer, Corinne McCombs.

One Month New

An impromptu photo shoot at home. Unplanned, no special outfit. Baby Everett simply kicking around on a blanket with big sister Delilah playing nearby. Just honest to goodness sweetness.

Our Little Lionheart

Everett's first full day home // August 1, 2019

Bringing Home Everett

Homeward Bound // Released from the NICU // July 31, 2019

Bye, bye, NICU!

First time in the sunlight

Being a big sister is exhausting

Better look at Everett's going-home outfit

First at-home gavage (tube) feeding

July 26

Happy Due Date, little buddy! I can’t believe it’s been 20 days since you arrived. What a whirlwind, roller coaster of a journey it’s been. You’re 40 weeks, weigh 7 lbs 3 oz, and are becoming more alert every day as you “wake up” to the world around you. You’re not a fan of diaper changes but enjoy keeping it interesting for mama by going multiple times mid-change (current record is four diapers at one changing!). You’re also not fond of that feeding tube taped to your face and you much prefer to have your hands free (swaddle breaker! NG puller!) but you rarely cry. You love to practice breastfeeding and are making slow-but-steady progress with the bottle. Everett, you are still just the sweetest and snuggliest baby boy, hopefully that won’t ever change. Goal for next week: coming home.

Extra Special Arrival

I N T R O D U C I N G ...

Everett Jeremy Thilgen

Born July 6 at 1:22 p.m.

6 lbs 9 oz • 18.5”

The past 10 days have been some of the hardest, but also filled with so much love. Not unlike his big sister, baby boy made an early and unexpected entrance via an unscheduled/ emergency c-section on Saturday, July 6. Our little lion came roaring into the world crying with ferocity and peeing wildly! Everett made his presence known.

While he didn’t come when or how we had hoped, Greg and I are just ever so grateful that he arrived earthside safely. Thankfully mama was able to have much more bonding time post-op than expected, but Everett was still whisked away to the NICU for monitoring about an hour and a half after birth, where he has remained even after mom was discharged this past Wednesday.

Our strong boy has already overcome many issues: low blood sugar, high blood count, low platelets, jaundice. He underwent phototherapy for two days to get his bilirubin levels down. Everett had far too many heel pokes and blood draws in his first few days of life, but he’s still as sweet as can be. The best news is that his complete AV canal (heart defect) turned out to be a partial, so he is not symptomatic at this point. (We expected breathing troubles.) One less thing for him to worry about in this already tough newborn stage.

What’s keeping him in the NICU are complicated feeding issues, and he’s had a feeding tube since day 3. Everett and mama are working with speech therapists every day (as well as lactation consultants) to get him where he needs to be. Mommy and Daddy desperately want to bring Baby Brother home so he can finally meet Big Sis but we still have a ways to go. Prayers and positive vibes are welcome and so appreciated as our family navigates this time.

Our hearts are tender but our love for our son overflows and mends up our brokenness. We’ve known all along that he’d be a fighter, and we will get him home. We didn’t want to wait any longer and are thrilled to finally share our precious Everett Jeremy with all of you!