... Delilah Wren is one month old today! Happy one month to our little bird. Stay wild. But please, go to sleep. (Ha! She's testing us today, that fuss monster, er, I mean, sweet baby.)
Thursday, November 23, 2017
Thankfulness & Infertility
This day, this season, compels us to stop and think about gratitude. What are you thankful for? What blessings abound in your life? I've long believed that, even in challenging times, there is always so much to be grateful for, if you just take a moment to pause and reflect. And, believe it or not, it is actually possible to be thankful for the hard things, like infertility, because oftentimes those hard things teach you more than easy times ever could… You learn and you grow and you’re led somewhere new.
This time last year, Greg and I had recently started seeing a new reproductive endocrinologist at our second fertility clinic. We were beginning to tackle the list of to-do’s that we needed to complete before embarking on our first IVF cycle. We’d already experienced many ups and downs on our journey to baby, and even with our decision to try in vitro fertilization, the road ahead was uncertain. There were no guarantees.
Fast forward one year and I am holding my precious daughter in my arms. It’s amazing what can happen in a year. It’s no surprise what I am thankful for this Thanksgiving. I am so grateful for my sweet miracle baby, Delilah, conceived with the help of science and a whole lot of love. I am thankful that, although born more than three weeks early, she is healthy and thriving — celebrating one month of life today! I am appreciative of the doctors and nurses at John Muir Medical Center in Walnut Creek who took care of Delilah following her rocky entrance into the world, and I am likewise indebted to the medical team at Reproductive Science Center that helped Greg and I fulfill our dream of parenthood. How immensely glad I am that technology like IVF exists! Without it — and the power of God, no doubt — our girl wouldn’t be here. And I would be remiss if I didn’t give thanks for the community of friends and family who encouraged and supported us throughout the IVF process, during my pregnancy and in the weeks since Delilah arrived. But I am most grateful for my husband, my rock. The eternal optimist, he never gave up on our shared desire to create a family. Even when my faith faltered, he always believed that we would be right where we are now. Greg has been and continues to be an incredible partner, and he is the very best dad to Delilah.
So, am I thankful for infertility? In some ways, yes. As taxing as it has been mentally, emotionally, and physically, and as much as it has cost us financially, this journey has brought Greg and I even closer and made us stronger. Nothing like injecting your wife with hormones to forge increased trust and intimacy! (The "quirks" of pregnancy have a way of further bonding couples, too.) But seriously, infertility was also an effective teacher of patience and powerful cultivator of faith. Faced with the potential of my dream of motherhood never being realized, I was suddenly and surprisingly forced to find the positives wherever I could — to keep my sanity as well as my will to keep moving forward. As a result, I was able to more clearly see all the small, everyday blessings in my life, and to more fully appreciate the people who are a blessing to me.
This time last year, the road was uncertain, but it did lead somewhere new and wonderful. Despite the challenges, I cherish our story, because it had the happiest of endings.
From our little family to yours, Happy Thanksgiving!
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| My first Turkey Day! Thank you, great grandma, for the cute holiday outfit! |
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| Give me turkey!!! Actually, this is what happens when you take Delilah's pacifier away. |
Wednesday, November 22, 2017
Nursery Tour
When Delilah was born more than three weeks early, we were most certainly not prepared to be taking home a baby, in many ways. One being that the nursery was unfinished, with art and decor still left to be hung and organized, as well as piles of baby clothes and linens scattered on the floor waiting to be washed, folded and sorted. Thankfully, while we were in the hospital, my sweet best friend spent an afternoon taking care of the latter. And fortunately, babies don't tend to sleep in their nurseries right away. (She's been snoozing in a bassinet at my bedside.) Nevertheless, I wanted to get the room buttoned up, to complete the nesting process. After ordering a few more things off my want list and finding a couple hours to get everything just so, Delilah's nursery is done! Part of me hesitates to say done, because I'm the type of person who is never really finished when it comes to decorating. (My husband will attest.) While there are a couple more pieces I'd like to add to the room, I am feeling pleased with how it's turned out thus far and I'm ready to share.
When designing Delilah's nursery, my goal was to create a cheerful and child-friendly space that still felt stylish and in keeping with the aesthetic Greg and I enjoy, since we'll be in the room just as much as our daughter! The desert theme is reflective of our Southern California roots and my unending love for succulents and cacti. The color palette is engaging but still soft and feminine. The overall vibe is eclectic. There's a mid-century modern sensibility, as seen in the larger furniture pieces (crib, dresser, rocking chair, bookcase). But I wanted to warm up those simple, clean lines with natural, rustic elements (wood, jute) and imagery that brings the outdoors in. A colorful tilework-inspired rug and large watwercolor-esque tapestry, along with a rattan mirror and yarn dreamcatcher, lend a bohemian spirit. Meanwhile, funky accessories including a handmade bird mobile and slightly kitschy cactus lamp add a dash of whimsy to the room.
Without further ado, here's a few photos if you'd like to see... and a source list at the end for those who are interested! (You can also check out my inspiration for the room here.)
Source List
Dresses: golden cactus (Winter Water Factory), botanical (Zara), pink ruffles (Mimi & Maggie)
Cactus lamp (new color online)
Cactus pillow (from Urban Outfitters, out of stock)
Modern bohemian dreamcatcher, by DayCrafter (similar)
Stuffed animals: hand-knit dog doll, linen bunny rattle (similar), grey bunny, deer squeaker rattle, puppy plush
Sunday, November 19, 2017
The Post-Bump Bumpdate: Third Trimester, Weeks 31-36
Even though our daughter is here, I thought I’d take a quick look back on the final weeks of my pregnancy. I had planned to do another “bumpdate” once I was on maternity leave and had a bit more free time, but of course we know how that turned out!
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| Childhood friends. |
At the time of my last pregnancy update, I was on my way to Southern California for a babymoon with my hubby in Pismo Beach, followed by my baby shower! I was 30 weeks pregnant and feeling good — “pretty normal” is what I kept telling people who asked how I was feeling. And in the five or so weeks that followed, not much changed. Pregnancy really treated me well. I was starting to slow down a bit at work; squatting became more of a challenge and my feet, or I should say the bump, didn’t want me to move quite as quickly sometimes. But because I hadn’t gained all that much weight — topping out at about 17 or 18 pounds at week 36 — I was still sleeping fine (no crazy pillow needed) and I didn’t have any aches or pains (besides my sore feet from working retail in heels!).
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| Babymooning in Pismo Beach at 30 weeks pregnant. |
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| With my bestie at my baby shower, 31 weeks pregnant. |
The only troubling or out-of-the-ordinary thing I experienced happened on Sept. 22, when we rang in 32 weeks with a bit of a scare that led to me leaving work and going to Labor & Delivery for evaluation. I had just finished my first bridal appointment of the day and while saying my goodbyes to the bride and her mom I felt a little something “leak” out. I honestly didn’t think much of it. I thought it might have been a bit of pee actually and figured I just needed to go to the bathroom. (Babies like to press on bladders!) I was so unworried that I spent another five minutes or so cleaning up my gowns and chatting with my coworkers before I finally headed to the ladies room. When I wiped I saw a scary surprise — bright red blood.
Naturally I freaked out, though I tried to maintain some composure since I was at work. Standing in a corner of my store, right outside the restroom, trying to be inconspicuous as shoppers walked around me, I called my OB’s office and spoke in hushed tones. I was put on hold while the nurse conferred with a midwife and I remaining relatively calm until the nurse got back on the line and told me that I should go to L&D to get checked out. That’s when the crying started. I hadn’t even been to the hospital yet! I didn’t know where L&D was! Am I really going to Labor & Delivery today? What is happening, what does the blood mean? Is baby OK, is she going to stay put? All these thoughts were running through my head.
To make matters worse, my husband had decided to drive to about an hour south to San Jose that morning to go pick up a car seat. I texted Greg while I was on the phone with the OB to let him know that if he was on his way to San Jose to turn around. He hadn’t gotten to San Jose yet but he was farther away from me and baby than he would have liked to have been at that moment and he was freaking out too, especially as he battled Silicon Valley traffic to get to the hospital in Walnut Creek.
So I drove myself to the hospital, which luckily is only about 10 minutes away from my work, and when I checked in at L&D I was a teary, anxious mess. Fortunately, my doctor was actually there (to perform a c-section as it turns out… foreshadowing?) and when he came up to me at the check-in desk I immediately grabbed him and hugged him. I think it was comforting to see a familiar face. I was then taken into a room and hooked up to monitors to track baby’s heart rate and any uterine contractions. As it turned out, I was having some mild contractions, many of which I couldn’t feel and those that I could felt just like pressure. But baby girl’s heartbeat tracings were perfect. It wasn’t long before Greg ran into the room, panicked as he scrambled to my side, and the nurse told him not to worry, to take a breath, that baby and I were fine.
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| Forcing a smile during my unexpected trip to Labor & Delivery at 32 weeks pregnant. |
I spent about three hours that afternoon being monitored, and I was given medication to calm my uterus. In the end, there wasn’t a definitive reason for the bleeding but the doctor’s best guess was that the intestinal troubles (read: very frequent and soft bowel movements) I had been dealing with for about a week may have irritated my uterus, causing it to contract and, perhaps because of my low-lying placenta, expel blood. All in all, it seemed like a minor and isolated incident. But out of an abundance of caution, I was put on modified bedrest for the following week.
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| One of the last ultrasound captures of our baby girl. |
Speaking of low-lying placentas, that brings us to the only other issue I faced in pregnancy. At my 20-week (almost 21-week) anatomy scan on July 6, Greg and I learned that my placenta was located too close to my cervix and that it needed to move at least 2 centimeters away in order for me to give birth vaginally. When we checked again two months later, on Sept. 7, the placenta hadn’t shifted much. Then, on Oct. 5, an ultrasound revealed good news — and bad news. The good news was my placenta had moved the requisite 2 centimeters! There was no longer a placental reason for a c-section. However, baby girl — who had been perfectly positioned four weeks before — was now Frank breech. Her head up by my ribs, her little bottom down by my pelvis, her legs kicked up in front of her face, by her hands. My hope at that point was that she would turn on her own, especially since I was back at work and moving around again after nine days of bedrest.
No such luck though. At my OB checkup on Oct. 20, baby was still breech. Since I was 36 weeks pregnant, the chances that she would flip on her own were slim to none. Baby girl was starting to outgrow her cramped quarters and my amniotic fluid would only decrease in the weeks ahead, giving her even less wiggle room. I had already read up on external cephalic version — a procedure in which the baby’s position in the womb is manipulated manually, from the outside — and my midwife recommended that we schedule one for the following Monday if I still wanted a shot at a vaginal delivery.
As you know, what happened next is not what anyone expected! Stay tuned for Delilah’s birth story.
In the meantime, a few photos from my last weeks of pregnancy…
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| 33 weeks pregnant. |
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| 34 weeks and 5 days pregnant. |
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| The last bump photo I snapped, at 35 weeks and 3 days pregnant. |
Friday, November 17, 2017
Due Date
Happy due date to this little unicorn! My November baby turned October surprise. It's strange to think that I would have been (should have been?) 40 weeks pregnant today. In all honesty, there have been many times I've wished I still was pregnant, not just for me but for my daughter. I would have loved to keep her in my womb a bit longer, to finish growing and developing in the safety of that cocoon instead of the stressful environment we call earth. It wasn't meant to be. Oh, sweet Delilah Wren. You arrived 25 days early and flipped our world upside down, for sure, but in the very best way.
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Interestingly enough, Nov. 17 is also World Prematurity Day. Born at 36 weeks + 4 days, Delilah was a "late preterm" baby. While not severely premature, she did experience several issues because of her early arrival (low blood sugar levels, moderate jaundice, significant weight loss, reflux/trouble clearing her airway, "desatting" a couple times…), all of which necessitated a four-day stint in the NICU. Those were long, hard days and nights and yet I know we had it so much easier than other preemie families. So today, I want to give a shout out to all the warrior babies (and their mommies and daddies) who are currently fighting in the NICU, and the families who remember those harrowing days all too well. And I want to send special thanks to the doctors and nurses who give focused, round-the-clock care to those tiny, precious bundles — while also doing their best to reassure the nerve-wracked parents. We are so grateful to the medical team that took care of our girl in the days after her sudden birth, for doing all they could to make sure she was not only healthy but thriving — and ready to go home.
Monday, November 6, 2017
Hello, Baby! Introducing Delilah Wren
Delilah Wren
born October 23, 2017 at 6:08 p.m.
weighing 5 pounds, 9 ounces
measuring 18.25" long
The past two weeks have been a whirlwind, to say the least. Much to our surprise, Greg and I welcomed our precious daughter, Delilah Wren, into the world on Monday, Oct. 23 via an emergency c-section. Our November baby decided to be an October baby (her birthday is just a week after daddy's!). She was born at 36 weeks + 4 days.
To say we were shocked and unprepared would be an understatement; I delivered her the very first day of my maternity leave. She didn't want to wait any longer apparently, or give her type-A mother the time she had banked on to get all her proverbial rubber duckies in a row. Delilah threw us our first curveball of parenthood! Nice one, little girl. At home, we didn't have the right size clothes, the nursery was in a disarray, we didn't even have a place for you to sleep (don't worry, we got one!). But we did have the most important thing we could ever provide for you: LOVE. We may not have been quite yet ready for your arrival, but we've loved you forever — since before you were conceived, since you were a dream in our hearts. We had already fallen head over heels when you were an embryo in the lab, and seeing you in the flesh was, well — words can't even express the joy. The tearful elation. The height of love. And it is that everlasting adoration for you that has and will continue to carry us through the hard moments, the long days and nights, as we adjust to parenthood and to living as a family of three. Plus two fur siblings, of course. They already love their baby sister, too.
I'll share the full birth story eventually (update: part I here!), but for now I'll leave you with a few more peeks at miss Delilah's beautiful, sweet, sleepy face.
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